THE COUNTER-STORY OF PRINCES AND PRINCESSES

How did our childhood stories shape our romantic behavior?

The stories we are told in our childhood are not just innocent entertainment. These stories shape our thoughts, our perception of the roles of men and women, our expectations of romantic relationships, and consequently our behaviors… For better or for worse?

Written by Chloé Lesage - September 2024

Reading time

About 10 minutes

HEALTHY MIND, HEALTHY LOVE: Rethinking and Demystifying Fairy Tales for Fulfilling and Balanced Relationships

Chloe's post has an interesting philosophical resonance with Yogaterrae's slogan, Healthy Mind, Healthy Life . This post explores how often idealized childhood narratives influence adult perceptions of love and relationships. It questions the unconscious patterns transmitted by these stories and the expectations they generate, highlighting the need for awareness to free oneself from these conditionings and rewrite one's own path.

What if one day you thought about rewriting your own fairy tale! Let's dive into this inspiring reflection :)

"Let's take a look"!

CHILDHOOD TALES: UNCONSCIOUS PROGRAMMING

HOW YOU CAN'T LIVE HAPPILY OR HAVE MANY CHILDREN

Ninety percent of modern fairy tales and romances create unrealistic expectations, harmful attitudes, impossible romantic pursuits, and disappointments. Despite variations in era, setting, or context, the pattern is always the same: the princess (or heroine) is often in distress, waiting to be rescued by a charming prince with whom she will live "happily ever after and have many children."

These stories are necessary for self-construction and understanding the world around us. The problem? This initial subliminal information is false and forms the basis of how we function as adults, like data in software or the fundamentals of a structure.

The difficulty as an adult is that these messages are so ingrained that we no longer even recognize them. They are acquired, even if they are false and create interference.

This is how we witness certain disastrous behaviors such as:

- suffering for a long time in the relationship,

- completely forget yourself by merging into your relationship

- letting go of what was important to us to please the other

- persist in a story that is doomed from the start,

- do everything to get with a partner who is not right for us,

- or even start playing a role…

Sometimes it even produces people who go from one romantic relationship to another, being totally passionate at first and then quickly desperate.
because disillusioned by reality.

If we could revise the basic program to make it more coherent and realistic, then we could have much more balanced relationships with ourselves and with others.

THE PRINCESS'S PASSIVITY: EXPECTATION AND ILLUSIONS OF PERFECTION

WHAT FAIRY TALES EXPECT FROM THE PRINCESS:

In these stories, the woman's role is often reduced to waiting for someone else to come and solve her problems. This implies that she must be passive and that the key lies in the romantic relationship. (Despite all other possible sources of help such as family, friends or the simple generosity of a stranger.)

So she loses her inner power...

Except that whatever we haven't resolved within ourselves continues to reappear in multiple contexts. Without an awareness of the elements within ourselves that have contributed to this situation, we cannot hope to fully recover from it.

It is up to the characters to create their own destiny and work to build what they want to attract into their lives.

Additionally, princesses are generally portrayed as beautiful and gentle. This "houseplant" image can lead some women to overcommit to their physical appearance and forget about their inner connection.

Another underlying idea of these stories is that the partner with whom to create a sacred couple is chosen based on their ability to come to the rescue. The savior is considered a perfect and necessarily beneficial man. However, this in no way predicts that the prince and princess will be compatible in the long term.

Besides, the princess shouldn't have to stay with her savior. He saved her life, yes, but that doesn't mean there's any submission or debts to repay. Unless you fall into the disastrous triangle of savior, victim, and executioner (Kartman's triangle). The princess can therefore thank for the help she received and then move on with her life.

MAKE THE PRINCESS MASTER OF HER DESTINY

THE PRINCESS CAN BECOME QUEEN WITHOUT HER PRINCE

The ultimate goal of these stories, seen and reviewed, is to end up as a couple as a guarantee of protection against all misfortunes. This makes it a status to be preserved at all costs. But the couple is not an end in itself, moreover, is it not the beginning? Is it not in itself an initiatory path?

Of course, having children, and especially lots of them, is presented as the culmination of a life while many other dreams could be just as much.

Destiny seems to play a central role in these unions, suggesting that if love does not come, it is simply because fate did not foresee it. Are there not other parameters that can push love away or others that can attract it? Attitudes, beliefs, energies…?

Fairy tales should also remind us that we are responsible for what we experience and that happiness requires constant effort to be built every day.

THE SAVIOR: AN UNFAIR BURDEN ON MEN

WHAT FAIRY TALES EXPECT FROM THE PRINCE:

As for the prince, his traditional role is to spot a young girl in distress and then rescue her. This implies that if a young girl is well, she is not worthy of attention, and that the prince only has a place if he has a problem to solve. He must fight to get his princess, and if he fails, it's because he wasn't strong enough. He must be the master of the situation and provide solutions.

The effort must be made at the beginning to win the trophy (the princess) then he can finally rest. In this logic, if he passes the tests it is obvious that the princess is acquired.

THE PRINCE: FROM SAVIOR TO EQUAL PARTNER

THE PRINCE CAN BECOME KING WITHOUT HIS PRINCESS

But in reality, the prince doesn't need to save anyone except himself. In a healthy relationship, everyone must be responsible for their own actions. The prince deserves a partner who is a good fit. This person doesn't have to have any problems to solve; they can be just as well.

Mutual respect is essential to building a balanced relationship. It doesn't need to look perfect, just be authentic.

His goal isn't to win a princess, but to fulfill himself, whether in a relationship or alone. A relationship requires constant maintenance.

There is no room for a culture of sacrifice. It can be a balanced and constructive exchange.

The role of the prince is not that of the progenitor. He plays a crucial role in motherhood, parenthood, and education.

It is up to us to change these conditions.

REWRITING OUR MYTHS: TOWARDS MORE REALISTIC, FREE AND INSPIRING MODELS

Of course, we can't blame our ancestors for molding us into such lies. They were locked into a political and Catholic vision of a couple forming and creating a large family to ensure its longevity. Thus, with many children, the future of society is assured. People are then very busy and must work hard to obtain the means to raise their offspring, enough to "ensure social peace."

Fortunately, in our time, we are beginning to revisit these stories.

By rewriting our founding myths, we can offer inspiring models, sources of wisdom, where everyone can flourish freely and find their own path.

WHAT IF WE CHANGED THE SETTINGS?

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THIS WAS THE STORY WE WERE TOLD INSTEAD?

Once upon a time, there was a young girl who was locked away in her house. She loved her room, even though she could never leave it. It was very cozy here, and she was completely safe. Every day, she was brought food and clothes. The world turned by itself. She could read, sing, and dance as she pleased. Sometimes she looked out the window and let her long brown hair fall down.

Once, a woman passed by and asked her, "Have you seen all those mushrooms at the foot of your facade?" This question puzzled her; she had never wondered what she might find outside. Then the days continued to pass in idleness. One day, a man passed by and offered to come and show her the world. She thanked him kindly, because it was much warmer here than outside. But this question of mushrooms nagged at her. Day after day, her curiosity began to grow. She had never seen a mushroom and wondered what else she might be missing. So she asked for postcards from around the world to be brought to her. It was incredible, all these things she had never seen.

What if... what if... for once, she stepped outside... As if by magic, a young man her age, intrigued by her hair that was visible from afar, approached her window. He promised to take her to see all the places on the postcards hanging on her wall. He was so handsome... Passion won her heart... But she was still clinging to her golden room, so she continued to enjoy this beautiful place.

But one day, she decided it was time: "Today, I'm going out for just a moment." She slipped out the window and discovered what it was like to sink her bare feet into the cool, damp grass. It was just as cozy as her room. Still, she decided to go back inside before anyone noticed her absence.

Then, little by little, escaping from time to time, she went further and further. This time, she was ready to go and discover the world.

FINDING HARMONY IN SHARED FREEDOM

FREE YOURSELF FROM THE CHAINS

But just as she had made her decision, she realized there were chains around her ankles. They were big enough to escape, but not big enough to go exploring. The chains had always been there, but she had never really seen them. She simply lived with them. She tried everything she could to free herself from them, but the chains were far too strong. She was beginning to despair.

One day, when an old man was passing by, she asked him if he had the wisdom to break such chains. This man was a blacksmith; it was truly his specialty. He showed her how to do it, and with the right method and the right tools, she was able to untie them. She was finally free, and she had made her decision: "From now on, I will be free."

She began to explore the world; it was harsh and magnificent at the same time. Many knights tried to seduce her, for the freedom she embodied was as attractive as honey to bees. Aside from a little frolic, frankly, they weren't very interesting. One day, while regularly eating at one of her favorite restaurants, she was intrigued by a man she heard talking. He had just returned from an exploration in Antarctica. She asked him about his experiences. As she listened to him, she vibrated inside, feeling how he too embodied freedom, but in his own way. Little by little, they discovered that they had the same aspirations. The more they spent time together, the more they saw that they made a wonderful team. They discovered that their differences were a strength and that their talents were complementary.

Their friendship blossomed into a deep bond. Together, they discovered they made a formidable team and flourished just as much individually as they did together. Neither of them had to give up any part of themselves. Harmony reigned most of the time. This is how they lived happily ever after and achieved their dreams.

The End.

REPROGRAMMING YOUR INNER SOFTWARE: TOWARDS BALANCED LOVE DYNAMICS

HOW TO MODIFY YOUR BASIC SOFTWARE?

By becoming aware of one's own representations of love and the different roles, one can observe the dynamics that one co-creates and correct them little by little.

So yes, it is possible to change assumptions even if it takes time.

For example, an effective method could be to reread more constructive stories every day, and thus reposition the balanced and harmonious foundations of the connection to oneself and to others.

Thank you Chloe for this beautiful article.

It invites us to reflect gently and deeply on our beliefs and our personal journey.

Chloe's Bio

Chloé LESAGE
Leadership Coach and Project Facilitator

"A warrior at heart, that's often the conclusion I receive when I explain my life journey. After a difficult start on this earth, I sought inner balance and expansion through a 15-year journey of personal development where I tested all conventional and atypical practices.
Since we never stop learning, I continually feed my thirst for understanding. High intellectual and emotional potential, I learned to put my abilities at the service of life so that it becomes a gift.
My method is at the junction between who I am, the reappropriation of my 2-year training in personal development coaching as well as all my life experiences.
It is a practice that puts into experience and intervenes, all at the same time, on the body, the emotions and the spiritual dimension. For me, it is out of the question to accompany for years what would cause, in my opinion, dependence. However, my work is to create the conditions for reappropriation of one's inner power to obtain immediate results in the materialization of one's objectives.
More information about his professional career

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