THE COUNTER-STORY OF PRINCES AND PRINCESSES
How have the stories of our childhood shaped our behavior in love?
The stories we are told as children are not simply innocent entertainment. These stories shape our thoughts, our perception of male and female roles, our expectations of relationships and consequently our behavior... For better or for worse?
Written by Chloé Lesage - September 2024
Reducible content
Reading time
Approx. 10 minutes
HEALTHY MIND, HEALTHY LOVE: Rethinking and demystifying fairy tales for fulfilling, balanced relationships
Chloe's post has an interesting philosophical resonance with Yogaterrae's slogan, Healthy Mind, Healthy Life. This post explores how childhood stories, often idealized, influence adult perceptions of love and relationships. It questions the unconscious patterns transmitted by these stories and the expectations they generate, underlining the need for awareness to free oneself from this conditioning and rewrite one's own path.
What if one day you thought about rewriting your own fairy tale! Let's dive into this inspiring reflection :)
"Let's take a look!
CHILDHOOD TALES: UNCONSCIOUS PROGRAMMING
HOW WE CAN'T LIVE HAPPILY OR HAVE MANY CHILDREN
90% of modern fairy tales and love stories create unrealistic expectations, harmful attitudes, impossible love quests and disappointments. Despite variations in era, setting or context, the pattern is always the same: the princess (or heroine) is often in distress, waiting to be saved by a Prince Charming with whom she will live "happily ever after".
These stories are essential to our self-construction and to our understanding of the world around us. The problem? It's that this initial subliminal information is false and forms the basis of our adult functioning, like the data in a software program or the fundamentals of a structure.
Once you're an adult, the difficulty is that these messages are so integrated that you don't even recognize them anymore. They are acquired, even if they are false and create interference.
The result is disastrous behavior such as :
- long-standing pain in the relationship,
- forget yourself completely by merging with your partner
- giving up what was important to us to please the other person
- to persist in a losing battle,
- do everything possible to get involved with a partner who's not right for you,
- or take on a role...
Sometimes this even results in people going from relationship to relationship, being totally passionate at first and then quickly despairing
as they become disillusioned with reality.
If we could revise the basic program to make it more coherent and realistic, then we could have much more balanced relationships with ourselves and each other.
THE PRINCESS'S PASSIVITY: EXPECTATIONS AND ILLUSIONS OF PERFECTION
WHAT FAIRY TALES EXPECT OF A PRINCESS :
In these stories, the woman's role is often reduced to waiting for someone else to solve her problems. This implies that she must be passive, and that the key lies in the love relationship (in spite of all other possible sources of help, such as family, friends or the simple generosity of a stranger). )
She loses her inner power...
Except that everything we haven't resolved within ourselves continues to reappear in multiple contexts. Without an awareness of the elements within ourselves that have contributed to this situation, we can't hope to get out of it completely.
It's up to the characters to create their own destiny and work towards building what they want to attract into their lives.
What's more, princesses are generally portrayed as beautiful and gentle. This "green plant" model can lead some women to over-commit to their physical appearance and forget about their inner connection.
Another idea underlying these stories is that the partner with whom to create a sacred couple is chosen on the basis of his or her ability to come to the rescue. The savior is seen as perfect and necessarily beneficial. Yet this is no guarantee that the prince and princess will be compatible in the long term.
Besides, the princess shouldn't have to stay with her savior. He may have saved her life, but that doesn't mean there's any submission or debt to repay. Unless you fall into the disastrous triangle of savior, victim and executioner (Kartman's triangle). The princess can therefore thank for the help she has received and get on with her life.
MAKE THE PRINCESS MISTRESS OF HER DESTINY
THE PRINCESS CAN BECOME QUEEN WITHOUT HER PRINCE
The ultimate aim of these stories, seen over and over again, is to end up as a couple as a guarantee of protection against all misfortunes. This makes it a status to be maintained at all costs. But being a couple is not an end in itself; indeed, isn't it the beginning? Isn't it in itself a path of initiation?
Of course, having children - and lots of them - is presented as the culmination of a lifetime, while many other dreams could be just as important.
Fate seems to play a central role in these unions, leading us to believe that if love doesn't come, it's simply because fate didn't foresee it. Aren't there other parameters that can keep love away, or others that can attract it? Attitudes, beliefs, energies ....?
Fairy tales should also remind us that we are responsible for what we experience, and that happiness requires constant effort to build every day.
THE SAVIOR: AN UNFAIR BURDEN FOR MEN
WHAT FAIRY TALES EXPECT FROM THE PRINCE :
As for the prince, his traditional role is to spot a girl in distress and rescue her. This implies that if a girl is well, she's not worthy of attention, and that the prince is only worthy if he has a problem to solve. He must fight to get his princess, and if he fails, it's because he wasn't strong enough. He has to be the master of the situation and come up with solutions.
Efforts must be made at first to win the trophy (the princess), then he can finally rest. In this logic, if he passes the tests, it's obvious that the princess has been acquired.
THE PRINCE: FROM SAVIOR TO EQUAL PARTNER
THE PRINCE CAN BECOME KING WITHOUT HIS PRINCESS
But in reality, the prince doesn't need to save anyone but himself. In a healthy relationship, everyone must be responsible for their own actions. The prince deserves a partner who's right for him. This person doesn't have to have problems to solve; he or she can also be just fine.
Mutual respect is essential for a balanced relationship. It doesn't have to look perfect, just authentic.
His goal is not to conquer a princess, but to fulfill himself, whether as a couple or solo. A relationship requires constant maintenance.
The culture of sacrifice has no place. He can engage in a balanced and constructive exchange.
The prince's role is more than that of a parent. He plays a crucial role in motherhood, parenthood and education.
It's up to us to change this conditioning.
REWRITING OUR MYTHS: TOWARDS MORE REALISTIC, FREE AND INSPIRING MODELS
Of course, we can't blame our ancestors for moulding us into such lies. They were locked into a political and Catholic vision of a couple that forms and creates a large family to ensure its longevity. So, with lots of children, the future of society is assured. At the time, people were very busy and had to work hard to obtain the means to raise their offspring, which "ensured social peace".
Fortunately, in this day and age, we're starting to revisit these stories.
By rewriting our founding myths, we can offer inspiring models, sources of wisdom, where everyone can flourish freely and find their own path.
WHAT IF WE CHANGED THE PARAMETERS?
WHAT IF WE WERE TOLD THIS STORY INSTEAD?
Once upon a time, there was a young girl who was a shut-in. She loved her room, even though she could never leave it. Here, it was very cozy and she was completely safe. Every day, we brought her food and clothes. The world turned on its own. She could read, sing and dance to her heart's content. Sometimes she would look out of the window and let her long brown hair down.
Once, a woman passed by and asked him, "Have you seen all those mushrooms at the foot of your facade?" The question puzzled her; she'd never wondered what she might find outside. The days continued to pass in idleness. One day, a man passed by and offered to show her the world. She thanked him kindly, for it was much warmer here than outside. But the mushroom question nagged at her. Day after day, her curiosity began to grow. She had never seen a mushroom and wondered what else she could be missing. So she asked for postcards from around the world. It was incredible, all the things she'd never seen.
What if... what if... for once, she stepped outside... As if by magic, a young man her own age, intrigued by her hair, which could be seen from afar, approached her window. He promised to take her to see all the places on the postcards hanging on her wall. He was so handsome... Passion won her heart... But she was still clinging to her golden bedroom, so she continued to enjoy this beautiful place.
But one day, she decided it was time: "Today, I'm going outside for just a moment." She escaped out the window and discovered what it was like to sink her bare feet into the cool, damp grass. It was just as cozy as her bedroom. Still, she decided to get home before anyone realized she was gone.
Then, little by little, escaping from time to time, she went further and further afield. This time, she was ready to discover the world.
FINDING HARMONY IN SHARED FREEDOM
FREEING YOURSELF FROM CHAINS
But just as she'd made up her mind, she noticed that there were chains on her ankles. They were big enough to escape, but not big enough to explore. The chains had always been there, but she'd never really seen them. She simply lived with them. She tried everything to free herself, but the chains were far too strong. She was beginning to despair.
One day, when an elderly gentleman passed by, she asked him if he had the wisdom to break such chains. The gentleman was a blacksmith, which was really his specialty. He showed her how, and with the right method and the right tools, she was able to loosen them. She was free at last, and had made her decision: "From now on, I'll be free."
She began to explore the world; it was harsh and beautiful at the same time. Many knights tried to seduce her, for the freedom she embodied was as attractive as honey to bees. Apart from a bit of fooling around, frankly, they weren't very interesting. One day, on a regular lunch date at one of her favorite restaurants, she was intrigued by a man she overheard talking. He had just returned from exploring Antarctica. She asked him about his experiences. Listening to him, she felt an inner thrill as she sensed how he too embodied freedom, but in his own way. Little by little, they discovered that they shared the same aspirations. The more they got to know each other, the more they saw that they made a wonderful team. They discovered that their differences were a strength, and that their talents were complementary.
Their friendship blossomed into a deep bond. Together, they discovered that they made a formidable team, and that they thrived just as much individually as together. Neither of them had to give up any part of themselves. Harmony reigned most of the time. And so they lived happily ever after, fulfilling their dreams.
The End.
REPROGRAMMING YOUR INNER SOFTWARE: TOWARDS BALANCED LOVE DYNAMICS
HOW TO MODIFY YOUR BASIC SOFTWARE?
By becoming aware of our own representations of love and different roles, we can observe the dynamics we co-create and gradually correct them.
So yes, it is possible to change presuppositions, even if it takes time.
For example, an effective method could be to reread more constructive stories every day, and thus reposition the balanced, harmonious foundations of our relationship with ourselves and with others.
Thank you Chloé for this beautiful article.
It invites us to reflect gently and deeply on our beliefs and our personal journey.
Chloé's bio
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Chloé LESAGE
Leadership coach and project facilitator
Warrior at heart" is often the conclusion I get when I explain my life path. After a rocky start on this earth, I sought inner balance and expansion through a 15-year personal development journey in which I tested all conventional and atypical practices.Because learning never stops, I'm constantly nourishing my thirst for understanding. As a person with high intellectual and emotional potential, I've learned to put my abilities at the service of life so that it becomes a gift.
My method is at the crossroads of who I am, the reappropriation of my 2-year training in personal development coaching and all my life experiences.
It's a practice that involves the body, the emotions and the spiritual dimension all at the same time. For me, it's out of the question to accompany someone for years on end, which would, in my opinion, lead to dependency. My job, however, is to create the conditions for reappropriating one's inner power, so as to achieve immediate results in materializing one's objectives.
Find out more about his career
More articles by Chloé...
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TRANSFORMING HYPERSENSITIVITY INTO STRENGTH
DISCOVER THE ARTICLELearn how to transform your empathy into inner strength to better manage your emotions and live in harmony with your sensitivity.
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LEARNING TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS
DISCOVER THE ARTICLEDiscover how to give meaning to each step by setting realistic goals and turning obstacles into opportunities.
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THE ART OF A HEALTHY MIND, FOR A HEALTHY LIFE
DISCOVER THE ARTICLEDid you know that we have several interdependent "bodies", each playing an essential role in our overall well-being?
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