THE BURN OUT... PUFF! ... WHAT A SHIT!
Did you know that burn-out can be a precious signal: a call to rebalance body and mind?
Like yoga, preventing burn-out requires listening, adapting and being kind to yourself.
Written by Chloé Lesage - November 2024
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Reading time
Approx. 10 minutes
BURN-OUT: A SYMPTOM OF OUR TIMES OR AN OPPORTUNITY FOR RENEWAL?
Discover in this post an in-depth look at burn-out: its mechanisms, impacts, and avenues for reconstruction. Through the poignant testimony of a loved one and an analysis of the causes of burnout, explore how this syndrome can become a key to personal transformation.
What if, starting today, you rethought your relationship with work and with yourself to avoid exhaustion and encourage inner renewal?
"Let's take a look!
THE BURN OUT...
"Now that's a new buzzword. We don't know what else to invent." "Don't overdo it." "He does too much." "It's weak people who go through this. "But I didn't ask him to work all those hours."
It's a syndrome that's so misunderstood and so little known. Yet Burn Out is one of the most widespread illnesses of our century, affecting 3 million people in France.
- What is Burn Out?
- How does it work?
- What are the symptoms?
- What is it like for those around you? What they say.
- What to do?
It's the people around you who first spot the anomalies in the situation.
In this article, we present a few points of discernment that can help you take action before you hit rock bottom. And if it's already too late, here's how to regain the power to act.
TESTIMONIALS FROM LOVED ONES: FROM FALL TO REBUILD
I had never really been concerned by Burn Out. It was when I was stunned to discover it in my relationship that I was able to grasp its full dimension. I call it "personality cancer".
One morning my partner, a contractor for two years, didn't want to get out of bed.
I try to make him laugh, lure him with a great breakfast and put on his favorite music, but no, he doesn't have the strength... Ouch! Heartbreak. Stunned... Emergency... Quick! An appointment with a sophrologist later today. He cries and won't stop...
It's true that he's been going through phases of falling for 6 months now, but he was getting better. I'd get him up each time, but he'd always fall further and further back, in fits and starts, until today. In hindsight, I can see that I gave him the energy to carry on and work harder, longer, harder... Encouraging the intensity of the Burn Out process.
Then come the arguments, the feeling of being far away from each other. We don't talk anymore, we have nothing to say to each other. Friends tell us it's normal, it's the passage of time, of habit... When he goes on a trip or a holiday, he's so happy and when he comes back, "he gets depressed". Are we both happy? Are we meant to be together? These were actually off-topic questions.
We argue and he blames me for not being able to save him. I carry this guilt inside me, although my mind reminds me that I can't be responsible for it, because those around me can't be each other's therapists without risking setting up an unhealthy relationship. A clash of heart and mind.
At the slightest frustration or complexity, he panics. His body stiffens, his face decomposes... He turns gray. If I had to draw him, I'd make a fog.
It's impossible to talk to him, with every intonation it's as if he's saturated. Just the flow of his thoughts makes him explode. Anything that widens the field of possibilities challenges too much what he needs to define for his emotional security, even if it means being incoherent. He shouts "stop" and holds his head in his hands.
Everyday life becomes complicated...
Money problems loom on the horizon, adding to our insecurity. This makes it all the more urgent for him to get to work and find a salaried job. If he becomes a salaried employee in this state of Burn Out, how will he act when faced with authority, injunctions, complex tasks and the need to produce?
The discomfort we felt put all our projects on hold. He's not like he used to be, some of his traits have disappeared and others have become more pronounced.
For him, the source of the Burn Out wasn't the number of hours he was working, which was around 40 hours a week, or even his activities, since he had created a pleasurable activity in line with his values. What made him capsize were his internal representations of financial insecurity, and the potential disappointment of his father and partner should he fail.
We split up and he became a farmer in a completely different part of the country. His transition took 3 years and he seems happier than he's ever been.
WHAT IS BURN OUT? THE EXHAUSTION OF OUR MENTAL PATTERNS
It's an exhaustion syndrome driven by overwork and dysfunction in all dimensions of the person (bodily, emotional, mental, environmental, etc.). A veritable inner chaos, it is the result of a process of over-adaptation that drains the individual of all his or her resources.
This syndrome is often wrongly defined as burnout. But Burn Out is just as common among entrepreneurs, job-seekers, craftsmen, students, mothers and so on.
This is because it is not really the outside that is responsible for the pressure that leads us to Burn Out, but our relationship with ourselves (inner mechanisms, beliefs...).
For example, "If I don't succeed, I'll miss my life." "I won't be able to feed my family. "I'll lose the love and recognition of others," "My sweetheart will leave me," "I won't be a good person." "I know that to succeed you have to work hard, like my father...".
The common thread running through this situation is the central question: What is my relationship with failure? What is the cost of not succeeding? The price of failure is far too high, unthinkable, insurmountable... These are vital issues.
Between doing violence to yourself and living with the consequences (real or imagined) of a possible failure, it's better to push your limits to the limit. To the end. No boundaries.
Unfortunately, the more boundaries are erased, the more identity is lost.
PSYCHIC DISTURBANCES: THE COGWHEELS OF FEAR OF THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO
Of course, this desire to succeed at all costs is often accompanied by high expectations. Unable to let go, the person already wants to be at the top, without thinking about the time or resources it would have taken others to get there.
Excessive, a race against time.
Caught up in the panic, the reptilian brain rules. The brain of reflexes, of survival... Completely dispossessed, the individual, despite all his determination, is totally disconnected. They no longer know what actions make sense, what decisions to make, what is good for them... They lose their discernment, rationality and free will. He no longer knows how to listen to himself, how to respect himself and how to listen to others. The brain overheats, but doesn't produce much despite our best efforts. It becomes difficult to concentrate. The body overproduces hormones in an attempt to cope with the situation.
And it's the physical body that brings on the first symptoms. The process of descent into hell is a jagged one, until you stall.
Recovery will be very gradual over several years. You'll have to rebuild everything.
WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS? FALLING, DROPPING OUT AND BURN OUT
This condition affects people without necessarily having had a psychological or pathological antecedent.
Symptoms vary according to stage.
During the fall, the person becomes emotionally and psychologically exhausted through compulsive tasks accompanied by repeated stress and generalized anxiety. They may isolate themselves, or rather lock themselves into their situation. She pushes on, hoping to succeed while waiting for a better day. She loses her footing, loses control. Even if part of her knows she's pedaling on empty, she thinks that to succeed, she has to do more, harder, longer...
Most people in Burn Out are in denial. They can't imagine it happening to them. Acknowledging that we are suffering is an admission of weakness that affects our self-image far too much.
When it hits rock bottom, it's as if the person is cut off, off-center. There's a stupefying effect. Time stops... Empty, the person feels drained and alone, despite the presence of others. They feel they are not understood, nor do they always understand themselves.
When a person has broken down to the point where they can no longer act, they also lose their place in the world. They are unable to fulfill their social roles, too exhausted to be a parent or see their friends, for example. They feel useless, ashamed,...
"We hit rock bottom, we look at each other: What's happening to me? Why doesn't my body respond anymore? Why can't I do the little things I do every day? What am I going to do? What will become of me?
When you drop out, time stops. Mental patterns come full circle. Identity is lost, and the person no longer recognizes him or herself. Personality traits disappear. For example, usually cheerful, the person becomes continually tense.
HOW DO THOSE AROUND YOU FEEL? AN EARTHQUAKE FOR ALL LOVED ONES
In the social codes, you have to "put on a good face" and avoid showing your weaknesses so as not to be badly perceived. This requires even more effort to keep up with the pressure. So it's often when the person breaks down, when their body gives out, that those around them, surprised and flabbergasted, become aware of what they didn't suspect had been happening before their very eyes for many months.
The Burn Out sufferer is physically present, but unable to perform his or her function. Destabilized, the whole system breaks down. Those around them have to reorganize. Each member has to improvise, readjust and cope with astonishment, powerlessness, fear, incomprehension, anger, guilt... Those around them may oscillate between rejection and compassion.
In the struggle to cope, the Burn Out sufferer makes incoherent decisions, even if it's for the best. For example, they may choose to move to the place of their dreams, then a day later, send in applications for a job they don't like there. The people around her may then feel insecure, as everyone organizes themselves around the information given, which will be entirely called into question some time later.
Each of the family members wonders about their responsibility. There's the guilt of not having seen, of not having been able to stop it in time, of not having been able to help, of having lost patience... It's an earthquake.
What's more, the person has a de facto impact on the material conditions of those around him, no longer being able to produce, manage finances or do the shopping. This is instability. Expect complex feelings, attitudes and situations until recovery.
At the end of the recovery process, there are often major tangible changes in place: moving house, changing jobs... She'll never be the same again, but it will be for the better.
WHAT TO DO? TIPS FOR RECONSTRUCTION
Fatigue can be resolved with a long break of a month, for example, which is not the case with Burn out. You have to rebuild your entire internal structure, reorganize your environment and recharge your batteries over several years. These are profound transformations.
The good news in post-Burn Out reconstruction is that the person will realize his or her own value and build it up from there. They'll set their own indicators of recognition, without needing others to provide it. Autonomous and at peace, they will be able to develop their full potential. The condition is to take the time to go through all the stages of reconstruction and to resolve the source issues. Then, in a virtuous circle, she can increase her self-confidence, self-esteem, talents and values...
As a loved one, you need to protect yourself first. Compensating the other person is certainly noble, but be careful not to fall into Burn Out yourself. We must not hesitate to reorganize ourselves with family and friends, to delegate what we can, to free up quality time for the other person, but also to give ourselves time for individual renewal, far from obligations and annoyances. There's no need to feel guilty: preserving your inner balance is necessary to be a good support.
As far as possible, the people around them must relieve the person of their responsibilities and constraints. They need to pamper them, cocoon them, make them feel safe, reassure them, calm them down, play down their fears...
Not fully discerning, the Burn Out sufferer needs help to make vital decisions. They need to be allowed to make the essential choices at the moment, and put off the others as long as possible.
It's also crucial to allow him to do all the things that give him (obligatory) pleasure several times a day. He must be allowed (or even strongly encouraged) to rest and do things that are not always productive or important: start drama classes, learn to cook, make art, visit museums...
Does she want to organize a getaway with friends? Great! The people around her need to check that she's not still forcing things. She's not allowed to do anything, just enjoy herself.
It's important to help her think of herself first, even if it may seem that others won't make it. She needs to realize that she's the subject now. As things are done well, it's precisely by leaving others their problems that they end up finding surprising solutions and developing a new, more harmonious way of functioning.
Then comes the time for her to think about herself, rethink her values and rebuild her bearings at her own pace. Taking a step back is often a key to success in rebuilding from Burn Out.
RESISTANCE TO CHANGE: THE NEED TO PROVIDE THE MEANS
Healing can take several years, depending on the individual, the degree of destruction and the quality of support provided.
It's virtually impossible to get out of this situation on your own. Therapeutic support is essential if you are to recover safely, without relapsing, and as effectively as possible.
It must be holistic: acting on the body, emotions, mind and environment: naturopath, sophrologist, coach, energy therapist, reiki, hypnosis, yoga, meditation...
In order to heal, some Burn Out sufferers tend to want to go too fast. As soon as they feel better, they want to go back to their original pace. So we need to slow them down to allow the process to take hold. It's vital to identify the internal patterns that led us into this situation, otherwise we risk relapse. Then we need to rebuild new, more constructive ones. Time is of the essence.
As for those around us, we tend to underestimate this period of recovery. We imagine that, when the person feels better, he or she is cured. But with so much to rebuild, the process really does take time. When we have the impression that the person is becoming "normal" again, it's really necessary to see the process through to the end, because the risk of relapse is still too high. The more time we accept, the faster we can go.
Most of the time, resistance to the healing path is based on denial and concerns such as "I don't have the time or the money". As if there were a choice. Healing requires an unavoidable investment. It's better to invest in oneself right away, so as to be able to return serenely to active life, than to let the suffering, the cyclical inability to cope with life, to be able to work and therefore to have time and money, drag on for years.
AND IF IT WAS A CHANCE! BURN OUT IS THE STARTING POINT FOR A NEW LIFE
"Maybe my life isn't over." Recovery is an opportunity, as the many people who have recovered from Burn out testify.
Acknowledging the presence of this syndrome means first and foremost accepting our humanity and our need for limits.
We then open ourselves up to a path of reconstruction, where each of us can reinvent ourselves with authenticity and strength. Because beyond the suffering, burn-out can become an opportunity to reconnect with oneself, to establish a life in harmony with one's values, and to build a future that reflects oneself, even if it's frightening.
So maybe it's finally time to celebrate?
Thank you so much for this article, Chloé!
Once again, your words shed light on sensitive and essential subjects such as burn-out, offering us new perspectives for better understanding and action.
Chloé's bio
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Chloé LESAGE
Leadership coach and project facilitator
Warrior at heart" is often the conclusion I get when I explain my life path. After a rocky start on this earth, I sought inner balance and expansion through a 15-year personal development journey in which I tested all conventional and atypical practices.Because learning never stops, I'm constantly nourishing my thirst for understanding. As a person with high intellectual and emotional potential, I've learned to put my abilities at the service of life so that it becomes a gift.
My method is at the crossroads of who I am, the reappropriation of my 2-year training in personal development coaching and all my life experiences.
It's a practice that involves the body, the emotions and the spiritual dimension all at the same time. For me, it's out of the question to accompany someone for years on end, which would, in my opinion, lead to dependency. My job, however, is to create the conditions for reappropriating one's inner power, so as to achieve immediate results in materializing one's objectives.
Find out more about his career
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